Saturday 9 September 2017

Army of Rail Enthusiasts with nothing to complain about causes panic on the streets

The unused energy combined from Railway Enthusiasts with nothing to moan about would be enough power 3 million keyboard warriors' internet routers for 9.3 weeks.

There is a strange phenomenon which not only scares us, but should have every rail enthusiast worried down to the very core. The inability to moan about shit that drives us mental - like liveries, restore it now, diesels on the front, Network Rail gauging and other serious matters.

We are assured by every 'Steam Railway' magazine front cover, hidden behind those cellophane wraps as we try to flick through on the shelf in WH Smith, that York based anger continues to drive many an enthusiast to go and lock there favourite artefact in the Great Hall for fear of it being sold off to the lowest bidder.

But, we must be honest. We're ready for something to really rile us all up. This is when the army of rail enthusiasts come into there own by combined anger. Then we sit back and watch as the one person who disputes common sense bravely storms into the comment section to offer there expert (wrong) opinion. Then they remove there account within hours of fightback.

Can we think of a world without keyboard warriors?

We have an American President that is spoiling the whole phenomenon for us. How can we compete with the most powerful person in the world when complaining about any new yellow stripes on Duchesses?

The good old days of another locomotive heading into BR Late Crest livery just doesn't fill us with the rage we are accustomed to anymore. Mainline railways are consistently late or we simply don't like slagging off any company called 'GWR' as much as we did to the corporate undertones of 'First Great Western'. Kicking Brunel in the bollocks is not something we're a fan of so we are holding back. 

Well, here's the thing, we're setting out our stall to bring back the keyboard warrior. Think of the most ludicrous rail based anger and post away on social media. The winter months are long and cold. 

Give us something to warm us all up. What's riling you up uncontrollably?

Saturday 2 September 2017

Nuclear War declared after child steps in front of a Photograph of Railway Locomotive.

As the world waited patiently for disjointed Leaders to increase their war of words. It was a 47 Year old photographer who triggered Nuclear War when a child stepped in front of his photograph of an InterCity 125.

Lets be honest, it was always going to happen. The organisers of a large scale event not only ask people to stay off the tracks in front of big Green Engines but tell Big Green Eyed Photographers to stay calm if little Johnny, in amazement at seeing a Steam Locomotive for the first time, happens to spoil one of his million photographs of a stationery locomotive.

Kudos to GWR for breaking the curse
"Photographers are asked to be patient and polite"
 Ah, you've got to love the hope and tinge of naivety as a GWR Spokesperson sends out this message to the keyboard armed Army of 'Railway Photography Group' members. The message is not sent with the normal fire and brimstone that comes along from Epping & Ongar volunteer supreme leaders (Group Admins). So who knows, perhaps being nice and respectful to photographers may be a new wave we could get behind?

The theory of paying hundreds of quid to watch a music concert, to then spend it watching behind a mobile screen all night long - to then buy the concert on VHS (?) after in glorious HD with proper angles and editing. This is because we want to watch our shakey, shouty version taken from our Nokia 3310s. Obviously.

The epitome of these events is now everyone armed with smartphones ready to take the master shot and send into the BM must accept a simple fact. A child or uninitiated will spoil your photo at some point during these events. Accept it, put on a horse mask and enjoy the event regardless.

Here is hoping the magical 'photographers only' events, in the dark, silent cold shed yards with nothing but the sound of Hi Viz vests being adjusted keep the photographers anger at levels befitting not having to snap your SD card.

And if you do see an angry photographer, take a photo and send it in. They are hilarious.