Thursday 22 June 2017

Trains to be banned from Rush Hour to improve public image.

Special Advisers for the Rail network have advised rail chiefs that running trains during Rush Hours is bad for its own public image and withdrawing all services would be best for the public.

We are at the cusp of big changes to the rail network in Britain. The 'Azumas' (Bless you..) are on trial and are ready to breed at a rate not seen since Fifty Shades of Grey and a cool breeze had the nation reproducing faster than bacteria in a Voyagers bog. 

The second HS2 bill has just been announced as a done deal by our strong and stable government meaning the landscape of railways in Britain is going to change whether we like it or not.

Railway lines will become faster and with every faster minute you get to London, this will be lauded by Google Trains (or whoever wins the franchise that year) in competition with Daily Mail Express East Midlands. There profits will simply swell as we all swelter in the aisles of there low capacity new trains. 

Within several years, years that are closing in, the Pacers will be gone or going. The GWR will become devoid of its roaring HSTs. The scrapyards will again be filling with DRS Class 37s as whirring new hybrids take their place. British engineering quite simply ending up on the scrapheap.

No one will argue with the need to modernise and good ole Britain is light years behind other countries but as railway enthusiasts there is a twang of sadness as we watch the next mechanical signalbox be ripped to pieces and replaced by a nice square of gravel and weeds instead.

The gap between our heritage railways and the big mainline network will widen and continue to widen with every new train that arrives on a boat from a far away cheaper manufacturer. The gap will lessen with every DRS 37 that avoids the scrapheap and becomes the 'Heritage Diesel' hauling your delicious Teak set  on the 09.50 20mph service.

Perhaps this is the revolution that moved the horse from being bloody knackered and blinded working down mines to becoming the prize asset of any Conservative MPs daughter? The railway as we know it today will become heritage and we will look back fondly on the Pacer as it stars in the GCR 'Pre-Brexit Gala'.

With the quest for speed and High Speed lines as the racetrack for new trains well and truly on its way, who will be able to tell that this direction was better than a 'improve capacity and reliability on existing services so that you get a seat on a comfortable train that may be 2.3 minutes slower getting to the queue at Euston Burger King' model that seems to have been thrown to the wayside.

In other words, buy a bike to pedal to your nearest Heritage Railway while singing the Hovis theme tune and leave those fast tin cans to race themselves. 

Tuesday 20 June 2017

Living on Small island with Trains that talk and crash every hour announced better prospect than living in Britain.

Brutal dictator 'Topham Hatt', known for reckless disregard of rail safety or capital infrastructure spend seen as better leader than current British Government.

Blimey readers, just when you though things couldn't get less tragically mad in the world it goes up to the next level with every bleep of our BBC Breaking News app. 

Yet again the cause of 'Railway Enthusiasm' garners new members and recommendations, because however mad standing at the end of platforms with a new Canon camera or arguing the toss over the colour of a Bulleid Pacific, it can't be any worse than what is going on with the rest of this mad world.

We're not going to kid ourselves that the world of Sodor and Gordon the Big Blue Engine was not an intrinsic fabric of our childhoods as it obviously was. We also learn daily of the 'fandom' that surrounds these well loved books that turned into a global empire of selling toys.

We look at today's world and the different factions that emanate, get angry and then seem intent on wiping out other factions. Then you can visit Twitter and see what the 'fandom' is up to, and you see a whole new level of 'importance' in peoples lives.

Here's the thing, we are called Bash by name and so must Bash by nature? The uneducated in BM folklore may think this is the case. But one thing that happens with every beep and gasp at those BBC Breaking News 'dings' is the realisation that the happy person on Twitter sharing photos among his fandom friends about talking steam engines becomes a happier person. They become a symbol of everything that isn't screwed up in this world.

We are forever advocates of this railway enthusiasm and will bang any drum to support it and challenge it where needed, but if there's one lesson learnt out of the bloody awful mess the world, and in particular Britain, is in at the moment - its that liking Trains and being enthused by aspects of them is bloody nothing compared to what people could be doing.

A grown man or woman who is intent on sharing the disgraceful way Drayton Manor looks after the original TV models from the Sodor we all grew up with? Will it cause world ructions. No, but there in lies someone who cares about something and should be respected for doing so.

We have an inbox full of Cone photographs to go through and share with the big wide world. Why? Because you get it and are part of our community. 

So maybe, just maybe, wanting to bugger off to a fictional island by the Isle of Man, where you are guaranteed to be a passenger aboard a talking train that will crash, doesn't seem such a bad prospect after all.