Thursday 27 July 2017

Border between Lancashire & Yorkshire broken as 'Arseholes' found in both counties

One of the fiercest borders in the world, the one keeping Lancashire folk away from Yorkshire folk is deemed ineffective as little vandal shits have been found in both counties.

We spent the day beaming Live from The North Yorkshire Moors Railway this week, seeing first hand the destruction caused by vandals, but more importantly the community coming together to show brute force in cleaning up, repairing and restoring to glory all that vandals tried their hardest to wreck. 

As we beamed Live on Facebook, a large group of overseas students were on a field trip to Pickering Station gathered by a bruised and battered Gresley Buffet car. The behaviour of the students was impeccable, but what must they have thought of the mess of broken glass they were looking at? How possibly can we explain the actions of members of a community tearing apart its most valuable asset.

Not one to withdraw from the news too easily, heritage railways were again the victim of vandalism as the East Lancashire Railway was trashed by 'young vandals' who were arrested quickly. Whether they trashed, then fell asleep in the filth they had created has yet to be seen.

So, where do we go from here. BBC News may not pick up on the next spate of vandalism as just 'another one of those things' that we've all heard before. The Downton Abbey train being wrecked is news, perhaps the Train from Hollyoaks doesn't have the same ring to it. 

Complacency on Heritage Railways being wrecked is as dangerous as the people who deem it a hobby to break peoples hard work into pieces without care. 

Celebrating all that Heritage Railways give to the country and the world is equally as important as reacting with an Angry Face when someone attempts to smash it to bits. You're all intelligent people reading this article and picking up on grammatical errors contained within. You know what value Heritage Railways add to the world.

The big question is how it is showcased beyond those who turn up for 'Scotsman' Galas or Days Out with Blue Engines. The question is what do we need to say or do to convince people to not become ultimate scrotes wielding fire extinguishers on Snapchat.

Answers on an Angry Postcard.

Sunday 23 July 2017

New species of 'Dickhead' discovered in North Yorkshire.

Just when you thought the human gene pool was safe out of the water, we find ourselves a new level of idiot that suggests evolution took a wrong turn at Malton and is heading back into the North Sea.

You're all bloody angry at the events on the NYMR over the weekend. Yes, quite rightly so. The creepiness that surrounds a 1960s Music event in Pickering taking place is not just down to the 'Shoop Shoop Song', but the fact that metres away - the crown jewels of the biggest heritage railway in the world were being destroyed by vandals.

We need to be shocked, there needs to be a level of shock and anger that counteracts the run of destruction both in our social system and how we conduct ourselves being acceptable in society.

Many of you are angry that the faces haven't been released of those that set out to damage the LNER Teak set of prize coaches at Pickering. We're upset too. But of all the stupid things we've released into the wild - Pictures (and videos) of vandals hard at work destroying years of work in minutes is too much to stomach.  

While you are all angry, there is a community heart wrenchingly sad at the events. An air of sadness that is palpable by the support the rest of the Railway community has shown over the last 24 Hours by donating in there thousands to get those historic vehicles back in service as quickly as possible.

A video of the crime is not what is needed, a 'F*** you' attitude is what is required. We've seen hideous things occur in this country, on our own streets, in 2017 and we are often only left with putting a filter on our profile photos and standing with people as they suffer at the consequences of despicable idiots. 

The society of Snapchat and producing videos, at any cost to anything is a dangerous one. What is the best way to stop it? Perhaps not displaying the 'efforts' of these mindless videos and cutting off the oxygen to the hits and views they so clearly desire. The videos of destruction, in the dark aboard those Teak carriages would have lasted for 24 Hours unless the Police hadn't taken a keen interest in them. Then they would have gone.

The lasting damage is in the broken glass beside the track and the sadness in the volunteers who have to pick it up and repair their work back to the standard at which they want it. 

The repair bill amounts to the appreciation of the work of volunteers around the world who put in their hard work, energy and time to keep our history alive. It is down to them alone. There is not a Harry Potter Studio Tour at each town to take each prized Steam Railway asset undercover and polished reaping in thousands of pounds of profit. There are only so many steam engines you can paint blue and call 'Thomas' to pay its own way. The rest doesn't make money. They are an accountants living nightmare only made sense by a dedicated band of 'amateurs', bred from Titfield ancestry.

Our industrial heritage is out there, day in and day out in the rain, wind and sunshine so everyone can experience it on our heritage railways. The people that put them out there for you is the volunteers. 

Reject the mindless idiots who set out to damage this generous offer to the public. Support those who made a choice to dedicate the best parts of there lives to sharing our Railways heritage with you.

Friday 21 July 2017

Top 5: How to meet other Rail Enthusiasts

The big wide world gets bigger with every new Railway Photography Group posting, banning and frog march to the arch-Admins of Internet Forums. But, how do we all survive when we break free of the armchairs and meet actual real people in the real world?

As the Bash Mash Tour heads to the Gloucestershire and Warwickshire Railway. 

We are here to help.

#BashMashTour Special
Top 5 ways to meet Real People at Real Railways

5. Saying Hello

Here's the thing, we are rail enthusiasts and with it - a little awkward. We are all in the same boat of awkwardness looking down at RealTimeTrains rather than at other people. There is a level of acceptance that we are all deleting our browser history of what was on the last Tanks from Gresty Bridge.

Accept it. Then say Hello.

4.  The internet doesn't count

Yes, you've been dragged down to face a Court Marshall at Epping and Ongars Admins Lair (which is online in a Facebook Forum) and received a right royal banning. But that doesn't count. The internet doesn't count. Should you face the Admin of your least favourite Facebook Group, remember this and rise above the banning. 

(They'll hate it)

3. Everyone likes Green Arrow

As much as the hatred towards Pacers is universal. If you are stuck for something to say to your new friends and acquaintances that you find yourselves with in a Mark One heading to Winchcombe, remember that a conversation starter begins with the numbers 4771. 

'When they getting Green Arrow back then?'. And job done for conversation for the rest of the day.

2. Take photos, take photos of everything

Come on folks, we have the BM to run. Take photos of anything weird, normal or funny and send them in. Making it to BM is the ultimate accomplishment.

1. Do it again

Simply revert back to No.5 back to No.2 and don't think about this No.1. We all love numbers, start to love numbers that aren't on the side of DMUs and you will thank us later.

Increase in Diesel Thrash Enthusiasts at Swansea, Sheffield and Windermere announced by the Government

Outrage as Lake Windermere is not to be surrounded by god awful Overhead Electric Gantries and will be served by hellfire diesel traction - and hellfire diesel traction fans.

Now the inevitable has happened with out of depth Network Rail struggling hard in shit creek with only one very expensive paddle. They have been forced to suddenly lean over the side of their sinking boat, just by Westminster and say 'Actually lads, we don't have a chance of electrifying even a Hornby layout, never mind to bloody Swansea'.

The honesty that you are out of depth is refreshing, not quite as refreshing when it's an honesty while holding an increase of £1 Billion of public money in one very wet hand. This isn't as important as Northern Ireland and keeping a PM in the bumbags she is accustomed to so the Network Rail aftertaste is a little sour. 

The technology behind the recent announcements that their has been another almighty balls up with projects on Britain's railways is that railway technology is catching up. The future of Britain's Railways is one of a Driver, who while also guarding their train, will be leaning out with a big pole to raise the pantograph on their hybrid Loco when they reach the richest parts of Britain.

You will know when the poorest parts of our country are reached by train, your driver will nervously step out of his cab, lock the door, lower the shutters on the windows, suck in their gold teeth and fire up those diesel engines. Clag will pour across the ghettos of Northern England and West Wales as your Hybrid Loco then chugs on past Hovis Bikes and Cobbles littered with shoe shiners trying to earn a Quid to ask 'Please Sir, I want some more'.


This is of course, great news for those campaigning for Battery Trains. OId Trains that have nipped to Poundland for the most 'Durexacell' batteries, and raided their Sky remotes to pile in as many batteries as they can fit in the space where an electric engine once sat. 

Wrapped in crusty Gaffa Tape, these batteries will fire old trains into a new lease of life on the shittest of shit train lines around the country. The places where electrification is only known as being on the manifesto of the local UKIP supporters, and where the only diesel engines are fueled by Red Diesel nicked from the nearest farmyard.

It all suddenly seems that diesel trains are likely to make a big comeback on the back of being capable to run on both electric lines and non electric lines of beauty. This new fangled idea is a big surprise.

Especially to those who remember it from 1962.

Tuesday 18 July 2017

Top 5 'Getting off your arse onto a Steam Train Summer Steam Mix'

This will piss you right off. No other purpose for this list to do but to annoy you. We want to prod you with a big stick and ask what will get experts out of armchairs, professors from National Preservation, David Baileys from The Railway Photography Group and onto the steam railways of the UK this Summer.

Disagree, let us know. Comment and Email your anger to budge your favourite onto a list. Rise up. This is trains, this is important.

Our 2017 Summer Steam Mix

5. Bluebell Railway

The first person into the Next Sale will always get the best deals on underpants. This is simple odds. As the Bluebell was the first on the standard gauge preservation scene it had the pick of the goodies to take on. And they still have them. For £19 this is a day in a living museum where everything is just right. The relics actually work so enjoy and fill up on goodwill ready for that return trip to York. 

There is something quite nice about white neat ballast isn't there? Or is that just us.

4. Talyllyn Railway

Have you seen 'Railway with a Heart of Gold'? If so, then go.

The scenery is no Ffestiniog Railway, there is no Fairlie up front. This is the Railway with heart and soul that you get for your £19. Let's be honest, this is Wales. It will probably rain, but just imagine if it's sunshine on your day in Wales. The strut down those inclines if you strike gold with a sunny day will have Shaft quaking in his thigh high boots. 

3. North Yorkshire Moors Railway

The behemoth. You can take to the NYMR as the ultimate Summer challenge. You can either plan the hell out of your day to avoid the 'heritage diesels' at all cost or admit that a Sybilla on the front of the train is not such a bad thing. But it ain't no B1 is it?

There's reasons the NYMR is the beast of Steam Railways. Nick Berry. That motorbike had us weak at the knees every Sunday evening and its never looked back. Oh, and there is Grosmont bank. At £31 the challenge is on to get the most of your Rover, and the most chips and beer inhaled at Whitby before rejoining the queue to get a seat. The challenge is on.

2. Keighley & Worth Valley Railway

Bit small innit? Well we would tend to agree but size doesn't necessarily always matter. KWVR is 'the small but give it a chance' railway. Did you know it was in The Railway Children? Its place in history is confirmed. It fits into our Summer Mix because its the ultimate Day Rover railway. 

£16 and agree with your 'dragger along-er' that you are spending the day at your nice clean table with a couple of cold beers watching the engine run round a couple of times. Get misty eyed every time you pass through Oakworth, shit faced in Bronte Country. Everyone is a winner.

1. West Somerset Railway

Yes, we've heard the past experiences of two railway organisations declaring war on one another - and loved it. No, of course we didn't. It has been an interesting recent history on the West Somerset but we hear a truce has been called and the two fragments of the WSR are now working to playing trains together.

But, take the rowing away and you're left with the longest standard gauge heritage railway in the country and £18 to play on it all day long. It is summer, it is the seaside, it'll probably rain. Welcome to Britain by Steam Train.