'Flying Moneypit' V. Us

Yes, we know. We're going to mention that A3 again.

Needs must as we address the elephant in the room. Now we at The Bash Mash are socially responsible to your social media, hence the reasoning for A3TOX. 

A few days break from the 'world's most famous steam locomotive'.

We enjoyed ourselves and think you all did too. You can only get so much of a good thing, right?

Well it seems no. Judging by the crowds swarming in Shropshire around 60103, the limelight of this Brunswick Green light is still shining bright. But we're not there, we are in the comfort of our armchairs moaning at those that are there. We can speak for those people that we are a little fed up of seeing the same photos from the same location with the same warning of not to trespass.

'I'm in a position that you can't get to, I'm not working so I'm safe, but here's a picture of what you're missing. By the way - dont trespass on the railway'. 

15,000 passengers travelled in style in the Teak coaches and 30,000 spectators gathered behind those galvanised steel fences to enjoy the spectacle of A1 and A3 together. It was a hit, we all never doubted that the big guns bring in the crowds.

There is no doubt that the decision to cancel the Autumn Steam Gala for the 'Flying Moneypit', will have indeed needed Cahonas the size of Pints of Coronas to make that call. They made it and they were damn well going to make it work despite any hiccups.

The masterstroke was indeed placing the rake of LNER Teak Coaches behind those Pacifics. We often forget that carriages, that fit our fat arses in them, that are right for the era and style are the unsung heroes of Heritage Railways. These lovingly restored masterpieces deserve some limelight, they deserve a premium fare to ride in them. 

Now we look over the morsels left for us, the enthusiasts, to digest.

Crabs as always, is the answer. The Season Finale Gala was the brokered peace deal to us in anoraks lined up at Highley with our sleeping bags and beers ready for an all night steaming up and down while steaming.  

So here is the first lesson. If you are right royally pissed off that you were dismissed to the East Lancs Diesel Gala. If you stayed at the Kidderminster Premier Inn you booked 34 years ago refusing to look at anything Brunswick Green in disgust, then the answer is quite clear.

Turn up, in droves, with everyone you know, to the Season Finale Gala.

This is the simple clear answer to any argument over 'Scotsman'. Vote with your enthusiast feet in droves at an Enthusiast Based Gala. Buy that cup of coffee at Bridgnorth to cure the hangover from the beers the night before in Bridgnorth. Buy a pencil from Bridgnorth shop and use that Bridgnorth bag to be sick in from all that Bridgnorth beer.

But what if you do the unthinkable and don't follow the advice from BM? Why would you do such a thing?

If the Season Finale Gala, put on for enthusiasts, flops. You can see the issue that lays before us. Galas are notoriously not there to make money but to give everyone something to talk about, love and cherish for years to come. They don't make the accountants richer.

We should worry about Heritage Railways that ditch Enthusiast Galas. We should worry more about the Railways that put Galas on for us - then no one turns up.

The Futures Bright, The Futures Apple Green.

Phew. The Scotsman Fever really does keep going doesn't it?

Well, first things first, we are in the digital age where one scroll of the finger downwards and you're yesterdays news. The magic of 'The A3' is that it is all encompassing and bringing new generations in around the country to the magic of steam.

BBC Midlands will fly out to see the A3 arrive into Tyseley with the excitement of a Trainspotting Live reunion. The people of Birmingham will be thrilled, and then the Big Green engine will be on its way. Job done for that area.

So what happens when you've reached all you are going to reach in the 64 Million people of the UK?

You send it over to the US of A of course. What could go wrong?

Turns out that idea turns to shit pretty quickly. Just imagine the rush of donations and goodwill to bring a bankrupt A3 back home from abroad, again.

The A3 takes what is billed as its final 'starring' appearance of the year on the Severn Valley in a few days time. There it will meet Tornado again for the first time for willing punters. It will be a great experience for those who catch the iconic A1 and A3 facing forward, or get through the militarised exclusion zone in place around Shropshire and Worcestershire. 

So whats next?

You have to think what else is there to keep this locomotive in the limelight through 2017. The answer is simple, and it lies on the shelves of B&Q.

Now, admit it, kettle haters included. You would want to see the A3 back where it belongs - 4472 in Apple Green. Then the great roadshow of Heritage Railways and £200 a ticket mainline excursions commences again.

The Facebook Groups will of course be filled of people demanding Loco crews are blinded by smoke for the sake of removing those smoke deflectors. But there lies a rant to save up.

The alternative of course is that 60103 continues to be for another 9 years of appearances in current form. The swipes upwards continue with more and more swiping. What could possibly come next to take on the mantle of a British Worldwide-known Superstar locomotive?

Well, no - this return is for us. The ones who know about Trains and all it encompasses. Those who stick our hands in the pockets most and are pissed off the most when Steam Galas are cancelled for exclusive events for non-believers. We know the V2 is the superstar that needs to return.

But, think of your Granny, think of idiots posting Spouse challenges on their Facebook walls, knobheads still swiping at Pokemon on the street. 

The V2 is not for them, this is not 'The Flying Scotsman isn't it?'.

What is the superstar that would make them pay £50 a ticket to cross CheckPoint Charlie (Kidderminster Edition)?

Can you think of a bigger Superstar than that A3 than this A4?

Sex!

Well it is past the Watershed.

Wow followers, we have been surprised by many things in the lifetime of the BM but this really struck a chord with us this evening.

We may be sexist? Poking fun at the female gender? Now we passed our Maths for Beginners with Carol Vorderman many moons ago and we know that 2 Pacers + 2 Pacers = 4 Lots of Shite. This is very simple and our brains don't explode at the thought of it.

From those basics was the hope that many would see the photograph of a young person firing a Narrow Gauge Steam Locomotive as a sensible, proactive and complimentary nod to the future of our Heritage Movement. Simple maths. Even Rachel Riley would get that. But we find ourselves in a pickle.

The photo of the beloved Pacer above is in Northern colours. We have not, as yet - and we have checked, received complaints that this is not in Great Western colours. Why on green earth of daisies are we only dealing with Northern Pacers we hear you cry?

Well no one has cried.

But there is a worrying thought that a photograph of a young person doing what they love on the footplate of a Steam Locomotive would be picked out as making fun of a Female Fireman. Bollocks. In all sense of the word. 

The vast majority of you get it, we thank you and love you for it. You do have a new leader, he goes by the name Tom Peacock. Tom gets it, in fact he steps into the lion's den of 'TRRPG' (Facebook People know) and lets those who think we are using any 'ism' that obviously we are not. Thanks Tom. 

What people don't understand is that young person caused a Social Media storm. She proclaimed, in her own words, that an elderly gentleman refused to believe her place was on the footplate. Quite rightly she was bemused, and indeed it seems the world is bemused. This is excellent, this is progress.

For those that simply don't get it. What you are seeing is a round of applause for those who have broken barriers, be it through the stupidity of others or simply gaining the understanding of those who are normal. Those who do believe that noones age, race, creed, colour, sex, national origin, religion, sexual orientation, gender identity, disability, marital status or socioeconomic status has any bearing on their ability to do a job they love or enjoy a hobby they love for reasons they love.

'Normal' changes every day. Steam Railways become Heritage Diesel Railways with Steam. Class 66s become things to spot. Embrace it, laugh at it and move with it. It is a funny old hobby we have and it is the characters that make it what it is. Some may not agree and the only way to have a reasoned debate and argument is to take the utter piss. This is simple and is our philosophy, but be like Tom. Know when the subject is untouchable.

Know you should never vote to see a Pacer at a Gala.

Your views are important to us, they make us laugh, cringe and smile. The world can be a crazy shit place at times but we do hope the BM gives you reason to smile. That's what it is all about folks. It is not everyones cup of tea but as you are reading this we welcome you to the gang of people that get it. 

To knobheads who do not get it. You are not welcome, our page, our followers, our rules. Do one. We are walking with the world that has moved on, you may take a trip back through the Cafe and to your car with the gentleman who thinks the footplate is no place for a female. We'll stick around and have a laugh with our mates.

How to fix Top Gear, and Trainspotting LIVE?

The big question in TV. 

How to fix Top Gear. Easy, the Ginger one is gone. Left are the petrolheads we actually like, get them in an open topped Austin Maxi across West Midlands Safari Park and it's back to where it left off.

That's that one sorted.

Now onto BBC Four. Home of quality documentaries, the channel where young people can feel clever and clever old people can feel good about themselves. Most importantly, this is a home for excellent rail enthusiast programmes. We feel at home on BBC Four. Like a nice cosy warm blanket with a BR logo stitched into it by your Nan.

So what was this encroaching onto our screens in the form of 'Trainspotting LIVE'? Prepare the onslaught, watch the BM Facebook and Twitter pages for the relentless of ribbing of this gem.

It was what we had all dreamed of for enthusiasts, presenters getting things wrong. Glorifying the horror on our railways in the form of the Class 66, or as our hip presenters claimed the 'Sheds'. They know their stuff right? They know what a shed is, they are one of us. Arent they?

Add in a safe pair of hands in Peter Snow. The live TV maestro who managed to make John Major's election swingometer seem interesting. We are told he is a railway enthusiast of countless years, long before his swing found its 'ometer'.

Peter struggled with the influx of 'spots' that were live (dug out of the archives) and thrown straight onto Live TV. We were calling Direct Line at several times to make new claims for several car crashes, or at least slight bumps on roundabouts, every time Peter looked down at his cards. Those people the program weren't aiming at, the enthusiasts, winced and grimaces as things didn't quite add up.

The entertainment came when even Peter was bored with all things diesel boringly honking their horns at Didcot. Or the Wick Pendolino heading to the Isle of Wight. Bring on the kettles said Peter, we all agreed.

But, it's Peter Snow. He's having a ball live on TV - whats not to like.

So we find with a new BBC lineup the Ginger one is the main problem

Well actually no, it felt odd placed within this program but take the pieces presented by the ever enthusiastic Dr Hannah Fry as small nuggets, and you have a decent side dish against a mixed up curry of the 'Spotting Sheds' fun. 

The young signalman at Didcot must have thought all of those pulling of levers had finally paid off when the young Dr Fry came to unlock his points. Lad.

Dr Fry was a great sidekick for Peter, giving gravitas to the hobby that could quite have easily come across as manic people scribbling numbers. That was pure Dick.

Ah, Dick

Beyond a sequence at the Severn Valley, tricking youngsters into revealing they don't indeed call a locomotive 'Taw Valley', they call it 34027 which means - they are trainspotters. Dick dug the dirt on that one.

Then Dick was getting excited over a shed in Doncaster. That's not something we want to see on primetime BBC Four now is it. Jenny Agutter would be frowning at the very thought.

We did indeed chuckle, we indeed laughed at the K1 / Black 5 super hybrid bred in Scotland. But it did seem everything fell into place on Day 3 of Didcot resisting giving the King a good thrashing. 

Tim Dunn on the platforms at Stafford was amongst friends of the Bash Mash. Indeed Tim himself is a friend of the BM, he once thought we hated Scotsman. We forgave him. It was a shame the bunch of lads and lasses from the Railway Forums, gathered and selfie-gurning behind Tim didnt get a chance to feature. Then we really would have had an interesting programme on our hands. Can you call Facebook Police for something someone says on BBC Four? We would have found out.

So step back, look at what we were given

Three Days of Trains, Live on the Telly box.

Yes: Too many sheds, Too many hiccups, Too many diesels and Too many Rod Hull's. 

But

Good fun.

The Referendum Results are in and it's Henry!

So, that was a funny day

The world sat and watched as the UK made a momentous decision that will change the course of its future for generations to come. That doesn't happen very often does it? In this instant world of Facebook and TwitSpace, allowing everyone to 'become Politicians' for the day - it is always a shock when something unexpected happens. Something that no one was expecting if we are honest.

Henry was back

This old wreck was declared a 'failure' after being built. Nobody wanted this ramshackle design of a locomotive and he struggled to find any work in his homeland, the future was looking bleak with his varying pedigrees and ancestry from different countries and failed designs.

It was only through the desperation of a wealthy business owner, who some would say was a rather portly man (Fat), that the unlucky locomotive was required to fill a gap in his employment crisis. The rather portly Controller was urgently requiring cheap labour to rebuild his struggling manufacturing industry and new infrastructure. It was this need that Henry was given a chance to work in a new country. A small island that was known throughout the world for leading the way in Rail transport.

He was different to everyone else and people found him rude, and vain. He struggled in his new country.

He did not adjust to his new living arrangements in his new homeland country. Times were shit. His diet of Sodor Coal did not agree with him and made him a poor worker. But, the wealthy fat portly Controller kept the faith with his loyal worker and decided to speak to a partner nation for help.

Wales was indeed the answer, they helped out their neighbour by supplying their finest grade coal. Henry really was being given a good chance in his new country. He started to feel happy in his work and homelife.

Sodor times went well, then things went a little fishy. After an almighty balls up on the fancy new signalling systems of Sodor, an inept drunk signalman broke every H&S code in the book by signalling Henry and his shit load of Fish into a siding - which was already occupied by a late running freight load of Jam, probably. 

Several were hurt as Cocoa splattered around a Guards Van, the resultant ORR investigation reported that two Guards were taking the piss by having an unauthorised break in the Guards Van while playing Strip Poker. They escaped with minor cocoa burns and the Queen of Diamonds after the accident.

England to the Rescue

First Wales to the rescue, now England stepped in to rebuild Henry into a new design. A Black 5. Now this boy was truly 'one of us'. Working hard and looking sharp. A success story all round.

Independence Day

After working hard, Henry was splashed across all news outlets on a very hot sunny day that a strange wobbly man christened 'Independence Day', he did so over a pint from a neighbouring country. 

Henry found himself thrust into the limelight by his neighbouring country, and not by his own choice. Henry worked hard, he had built a home, yes he had made a few mistakes as people got to know him but he was truly one of the locals. 

But now, the disgrace of a misdemeanour from many years ago, namely moving to work in a small Island country was headline news. (Henry hid in a tunnel on his first day, but this has since been struck off his permanent record)

Henry was no longer welcome by their neighbours. There would be no more coal, there would be no more turning into Fives. The bricks will be put back up into his face. The people of the Island, his friends, neighbours and employers will stand on their barrels in front of him telling him what a bad engine he has been.

What will happen to Henry?

Well, thats another story.

A Love Letter to GNER

Being British

There are curious things that approach us by simply being British. One of things of being British is stood waiting for a late train, in the rain, in Stockport. Now add in the flavour of being interesting (a rail enthusiast) and our mind wanders to days gone past on our rail network.

Remember the glory days of the West Coast Main Line in the 70s and 80s? A Class 87 on a rake of Mark 2s really stirs up the romantic history making us misty eyes doesn't it? No not really.

There is a new reminiscent age that is creeping into all of our consciousnesses. And it involves privatisation, that horrible word introduced to remove Swallow livery from our fair Isles. Every era needs a benchmark and we've picked one for this reminiscent age. GNER.

Wasn't it nice

Lets be honest here readers, it was a brilliant name. GNER was just right, the livery was nice. The background to the running of the company was magnificently chaotic. It ticked all the boxes.

So it cheered us all up when this famous name may return to the British shores under a new owner, A name that was quickly removed after it sunk in disastrous waters by its owner Sea Containers. But we liked it, bollocks to all the boring 'it was a disaster' business speak. We liked the pretty colours of those HSTs. The End.

Alliance Rail was to return the name to run alongside those Virgin Trains. Eat that Branson, the failure name returns in pretty colours and a great name. But it wasnt to be, and that dear readers was a shame.

Headed by the former Grand Central head, they had good pedigree. Because Grand Central are the best.

Not our words, they are by Stattos, the best

So what other pretty colours did we like that for no business sense at all would want to see back on the rail networks around the country?

Yes, we know LoadHaul. It should be horrible, Orange and Black in weird lines but didn't they look good?

Now we were thinking of ways to return Loadhaul to the UK but couldn't think of one, lets be honest - freight on the Railways of the UK is screwed. Rather that than a Shed be covered in one of the best liveries of all time.

Orange is the new Black

So we lend a hand to those searching for new colours. Southern for example, when the tyrants are removed of their privilege of providing train services to the people of Great Britain perhaps they can take on LoadHaul South? 

We do find ourselves with no TOC to call our own. We have no underdog that we are rooting for. 'GWR' had a go. That failed, move on.

The answer to all Train Operating Companies who want to be loved is simple, colour your trains Orange to some degree. Works today for Grand Central and worked for radical underdog LoadHaul.

But, if you want to be taken seriously and loved. And you want to massively overcook your accounts to keep hold of your HSTs, then become GNER.

Steam Locomotive makes up mind and votes LEAVE in EU Referendum

Gem

Now we know you get it, the BM is here to hopefully make you smile, wince and moan. Then through a gift known as someone being a wally somewhere - a gem is created.

Now the EU Referendum is all anyone is talking about, whether we like it or not. But we really had to do our homework when we checked that an actual Rail Tour would be heading to London, filled with supporters of the 'Brexit' campaign with the sole aim of letting them 'mingle' all the way to Bristol.

Check our sources,

Re-check, rub our eyes but no - a gem has been created in front of our very eyes.

At the head of said train will not be a maroon Diesel out there to make everyone like it again, because we know exactly what it will be. The Locomotive made for the job.

Actually no, this locomotive is far too busy being 'The Flying Scotsman' and exciting Trespassers to join the party. 

It indeed turns out that if you have the luxury of owning a steam locomotive you can simply whack that on the front and hey Brussels, you are immediately giving the 'mingle' some sting. Now you have a party that gets those voters mingling.

The duty of hauling the minglers falls to 46100 'Royal Scot'. Undoubtedly one of the most famous Steam Locomotives in the world and owned by the organiser of said mingling, Jeremy Hosking.

Re-Rewind

The most famous steam locomotive from the flock of LMS locomotives, probably, is in fact owned by a charity. The Royal Scot Locomotive and General Trust - the clue is in the title.

A Charity providing their steam locomotive to enable 'leading supporters of the Brexit campaign taking their message around the country as decision day'. Now we get the smack of insecurity when railway 'charities' compete against life saving charities for people's cash, when the aim of said charity is to make a steam locomotive work again it should make us feel a little uneasy that money is indeed not saving someone's life. 

But we are free to spend our money as we wish. 

It is good to see the Royal Scot Locomotive and General Trust is meeting its aims to 'advance the education of the public'. Right? With £7M in donations into the trust over the past year it is good to see it raising public awareness and achieving its aims.

So, the crux of all of these details is this - 

A Steam Locomotive Votes Leave. 

The charity is working correctly to advance the education of the public.

Indeed a charity can only kick off political campaigning in 'the context of supporting the delivery of its charitable purposes'. Vote Leave = Advance the Education of the Public in Steam Locomotives. They go together like Chris Evans and Matt LeBlanc. A match made in awkwardness.

Heading back to that boring guidance again, indeed Trustees of the Royal Scot Locomotive and General Trust 'must not allow their charity to be used as a vehicle for the expression of the political views of any individual trustee'. 46100 'Royal Scot' is most definitely not a vehicle of the Royal Scot Locomotive and General Trust. Phew.

Now this is what really made us chuckle and it is all down to one of our contributors to the BM Facebook Page.

That locomotive, the one we all thought was the Nations but is indeed protected by a charity instead. Will be out and about the UK voting Brexit, mingling with the believers, stopping for lunch and mingling a little more. The appalling shock and horror is that locomotive in front will be looked after by 'them over there'.

The Referendum (BREXIT) Express will be run by Germany

The Crew that makes that Royal locomotive chuff all the minglers and leaders of 'Brexit' along the track will be employees of DB Schenker, owned by Deutsche Bahn, owned by Germany, owned by Angela Merkel. 

If we made it up you'd be saying we used Photoshop.