Saturday 8 April 2017

After years of convincing partner to like Trains, Man undoes all hard work by yawning in NRM

The struggle is real as a true hero among men and women is the ability to turn a partner from 'Its just a Train' to 'Look at that Walschaerts valve gear'.

It is embodied into the riches of rail enthusiasts tapestry that a partner who is a 'non-believer', or those members of the family that will come along to the National Railway Museum purely on the merits that 'they do a nice coffee' are the biggest challenge to any rail enthusiast.

There are of course two ways this family history line can go. 

The 'defeatist'

Simply accept the fate that is bestowed upon you by deciding to settle with your partner who would call the Police if you wanted to Bash a Gronk rather than clear the memory card and complain about the state of lineside hedges. 

There are of course ways to manoeuvre said partner into becoming a railway enthusiast without them even noticing or distracting there attention from swiping through the latest soap spoilers, or the latest video of a workman smacking his own head with a spade.

Part one of this ambitious plan to squeeze railway enthusiasm into their lives is the holy grail at York. Yes, we have covered those lovely coffees. They will cost you the earth, but while they are supping on said extortionate liquid filled cardboard you will have the chance to at least muse around the Workshop and have time to ogle 'Sir Nigel Gresleys' frames without the worry of exhausted huffs and puffs from your beloved.

Here is the gold master plan, this will cover you for a look around the workshop and at least two lanes of the archives beforehand. It is a big investment, but by offering to purchase a Panini with the coffee, you will have covered off seeing the bench previously at St Pancras, a model of St Pancras and Nige's frames with time to spare.

You will have to leave your non-believer during the duration of said investment, but this is easily done in the days before your visit to York by developing both Restless Leg Syndrome and a bad back that means you cant possibly sit still for more that 2 minutes, with the best remedy always to keep 'moving and walking round'. A must excuse for any day out with a non-believer.

The other angle, which is used by both rookies and the more experienced manipulators of non-believers is the interest in Royal Trains. Yes, you have seen them a million times and Yes, you wish they'd swap them out for a good rake of oil wagons or windcutters but the inclusion of the Royal Train on your trip around York is a must as part of your quest.

Do not, under any circumstances mention that the Royal Train is a Train. This would be a mistake. You must, at all times, ensure that this is merely Chatsworth House in a Museum. Queen Victoria's bed was incredibly small and you are amazed by this fact. Look at those curtains, discuss hem size with your partner. Lower the tone occasionally, where the King did his morning crap is a good conversation starter as you can have a sneaky peak of that Fish Vans couplings. 

Turntable demonstrations are a must for any enthusiast, it is a major part of the day. But when it comes to a non-believer, you need to encourage them to watch a turntable spin round slowly and safely. This is a tough call but is worth the hassle.

The key is the demonstrator, you know more than them. You are an enthusiast so obviously your knowledge is superior to anything they have to say. But to a non-believer they are the stoker of dreams. To your non-believer companion, the demonstrator is Peter Kay, they are the best comedian the world has ever seen. Conduct an entire CV for the demonstrator. 'Your sister said they were brilliant last year, and its free so we can just see what they're like?'

Once you are ten minutes into that turntable demonstration, you're busy looking at the locking mechanism - they are knee deep in waiting for a good gag as they spin around the museum and getting more disappointed - in them. You're off the hook at this point. Follow up with how disappointed you were in the demonstrators abilities to crack a joke, perhaps offer to complain after you've purchased your non-believer another coffee while you walk off your restless coccyx around the Library.

You must walk around the NRM twice, changing things up by turning the wrong way out of the toilets will squeeze in another round. Always remember your non-believer does not know the difference between any Train they have ever seen.

The impending result of any non-believer is if they protest 'we've seen this one before..' This is gold dust to any enthusiast, they have officially learnt something - they know the difference between a Bullet Train and Mallard. You're off to a good start and an easy argument win.

Then, as you have to squeeze in the compulsory boring other attraction in York very later in the day you start to plan Stage 2 of your Plan.

Coming soon..
Manipulating your partner further.

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